My Sweet Girls

When Vivi was only 3 weeks old, she got to meet her half-sister Ella! Ella’s family came to visit us and stayed with my parent’s for a few times and we had a great time with them. Ella adored her little sister and kept asking to hold her and saying how cute she was.

I loved seeing them together and although I was quite sleep deprived the whole time, I am very grateful for the time I did get to spend with Ella. She is a such a sweet little 5 year old. We got to play Barbie's together and make bracelets.

We spent one of the days at the Provo Beach Resort together and the kids had a great time. That place has tons of fun stuff to do and Ella loved it. The carousel was so cute and Ella’s little sister Mimi was adorable on it; huge smiles all around.

I can’t believe these two sweet girls came from my body, it is truly amazing! Twice now I have become pregnant; one worked for and one feared. But whether or not a pregnancy is planned, I think it is almost always desired; sometimes the timing is just not right. Women desire love, relationship and purpose and being a mother can give us all of that. Women love to be in love and having a child or expecting one is a sure way to fall in love. With each of my pregnancies, I fell in love with my baby long before I heard their heartbeats or saw their faces. The moment I knew there was a life inside of me I loved that precious tiny spirit. I loved what it was, what it would grow to be and who it had and would transform me into.

Being a mother of any type absolutely does transform you; there is no avoiding or denying that. Women of all situations and choices are emotionally altered, for the positive or negative. The moment I knew I was pregnant and going to place Ella for adoption 6 years ago, I was changed forever. From that point on, everything I did was for her. In my mind I had no choice but to be responsible and loving. I did all I could to fall deep in love with the life inside of me and cherished every moment I had with her, since I knew this would be the only time that she was mine. I immediately changed my life for the better and gave her what I knew to be the best, at the cost of so much sacrifice and heartache for me. After placement with her new family, I constantly tried to live a life that she could be proud of and become a birth mother worth loving.  That struggle and journey never ends.

When I found out I was pregnant with Vivienne after months of hoping and planning for her, I was elated but cautious to become attached to her and the pregnancy. After giving up my chance to be a mother once before, I worried that my one true desire would somehow be taken away from me again. I knew that the heartache of losing this baby would be too much to bear, and so I avoided the intense motherly tendencies to love the life inside of me until I knew for sure that she would be okay. It would be easier that way, I thought. I lived in fear during those mine months, but my fear couldn't stop me from bonding with my unborn baby and once Vivi was safely delivered and healthy, I fell deeper in love.

Memories of the first moments in the hospital with each of my girls are my most prized possessions. Their precious, perfect little bodies came from me, their mother! It is such an overwhelming, emotional and amazing experience to create a life.

But now that I know what being a full time mother truly consists of after these first 8 weeks of Vivi's life, I know that giving birth isn't all that makes you a mother; there is so much more. Being a mother is a constant, lifelong calling and I now know that the work and joy truly never ends. That is overwhelming at times for me to think of, but it also makes me excited for all that is to come. My baby girl is mine forever and though there will be ups and downs, we can be together through it all. These weeks have also given me so much perspective on my choice to place Ella for adoption.

I know now more than ever that I wasn't ready to give Ella all that she deserved in a mother. At that time I didn't have the knowledge or the patience and experience. I don't think you can ever be wholly prepared for motherhood, but I know that Ella's adoptive mom was the best mother for her. I know and I've always known that Ella's mother is her true mother and not just her adoptive mother; simply because of the love and service she offers every day and night. That knowledge used to hurt me so bad; to know that I wasn't and never would be Ella's mom. Now it gives me peace. She had the love of a mother that she deserved and she will always have that love.

With Birth Mother's Day and Mother's Day approaching this weekend, my husband asked me how I wanted to celebrate. To be honest, I haven't even had the time to think about it because I've been so busy being a mother to my sweet baby Vivi! I do appreciate the holidays, because I want the mothers in my life to know how grateful I am for them and I want all birth moms to be remembered. So this year I think I will  celebrate by thanking the mothers in my life for their undying love and cherishing the precious moments I've had and continue to have with my sweet girls.

Zucchini Crust Pizza

My mom shared this recipe with me recently and I finally made it tonight. And it was super yummy! Scott loved it as well and thought it tasted like Costco’s cheese pizza, but I thought it tasted kind of like lasagna. But, basically it was good and we will definitely be having it regularly! And a major plus; it was really easy to make.

Ingredients:

2 medium sized zucchini, shredded

1 cup shredded cheese (of your choice) ~I used Cheddar

2 egg whites

1 tblsp melted butter

2 tblsp soft cream cheese

Directions:

Shred your zucchini and cheese (I used my food processor), and mix with all other ingredients (I mixed it by hand). Mix well and then press into a greased 9 x 13.

Bake @ 425 for 15-20 minutes until firm.

Add sauce and toppings as you wish and then bake for another10 minutes. I added homemade pizza sauce, pepperoni and a little cheese (you dont need much!).

 

Enjoy! {Its not crispy like regular pizza, you will need to eat it with a fork.} Yum!

Vivienne’s Blessing Day

We blessed our sweet Vivi on April14th at my grandparent’s clubhouse. We invited family and some close friends and it was such a special night. Scott’s parents and uncle came all the way from Seattle and we loved having them there.

Until I moved to Utah I had never heard of people blessing their babies outside of church, but we found out that you can and it worked out much better than having everyone meet at our 8:30am sacrament meeting! One of the counselors in our ward’s bishopric attended and conducted for us. Scott gave Vivienne such a sweet father’s blessing. He blessed her to have joy in this life and to rely on her Heavenly Father. He told her how much we loved her and how wonderful her life would be. Scott invited his father, my father and grandfathers and Chris into the circle (Unfortunately none of Scott’s grandparents are living and neither of his brothers were able to be there).

After the blessing, we took some pictures and enjoyed all the desserts. It was so fun to see everyone and I am so grateful to everyone that came to show their support and love.

Our 4 generation picture: Me, Vivi, my grandma and mother.

 

Here we are with Scott’s parents~

It was a great night!

Easter

This year we spent Easter at my parent’s home. Vivi wore the adorable Easter dress that my cousin Nick bought for her. He has down syndrome and is the sweetest friend you could have; he spent his own money to buy it and even picked it out! Vivi loved it, I’m sure. ;)

I didn’t do Easter baskets for my little family this year, simply because I had a 3 week old baby and that somehow seems to take up all of my time! Luckily my mom made us all little Easter bags filled with goodies. My sister Tiff even bought me some beautiful tulips.

My brother and his family were also there, which meant sweet little Trinelle got to see Vivi. She loves her cousin and is so soft and gentle with her. Luckily we now have 2 little ladies to fight over at my parent’s house. Grandpa somehow managed to score some time with both of them at once~

Trinelle had fun collecting all the eggs ‘hidden’ around the backyard, but probably not as much fun as we had watching her. I think there were 3 cameras out and a video camera watching her every move!

My parent’s made us a delicious ham dinner and I even got to go to an hour of church with Scott while Tiff watched Vivi (Yes, I was anxious and missing my baby girl the whole time!). I love Easter and all that it means. For us this year  it meant the beginning of our new life together as a family of three!

 

Our Little Model

When Vivi was 15 days old, she had her first photo shoot! Well, at least her first official one (we have been taking pictures non stop since she was born, of course). My mom drove me to her appointment and we had so much fun. A great photographer that we have known since living in Walla Walla took her photos and did an amazing job. She is a pro at taking newborn photos and had a whole bunch of tricks and was well prepared for the accidents Vivi had throughout the shoot. It was hilarious because she just thought it was no big deal after Vivi left a big yellow stain on a gorgeous piece of fabric while my mom and I were anxious.

It took some coaxing and a lot of feeding to get her to cooperate, but after awhile, she felt right asleep and let us put her in some adorable little poses. Here is a behind the scenes shot:

And here are a few of my favorites:

In this last one, Vivienne is wrapped up in the blanket that my grandma Virginia made for me (which also matches the blessing dress she made for me). Vivi’s middle name is Virginia, in honor of her and the great matriarch and loving grandma that she was. She passed away about 7 years ago and we miss her greatly. Having a photo of Vivi with a piece of her life is so precious to me. 

Carrie did an amazing job and really captured my sweet girl’s personality. I cherish these photos and can’t wait to receive all the prints and gallery wraps that I ordered!

Vivienne’s Birth

Well, as you probably all know by now, our sweet baby girl is here!

On March 12th, Scott and I arrived at the Timpanogos Regional Hospital at 5:35 am (we were 5 minutes late, which probably annoyed a couple nurses, but c’mon, it was 5 am!). I immediately had to disrobe, put on my fancy hospital gown and have my blood drawn and an IV started. They needed to find out my blood type in order to give the blood bank enough notice before my surgery, in case I needed it. IV’s are so much fun (note the bloody bed).

Nurses came in and out for a couple hours, asking questions and getting forms signed. The photo below is taken about 20 minutes before I was wheeled to the OR (Operating Room). It felt so strange to know that my little girl would be here within a few minutes. And without any contractions! It didn’t feel right and was hard to believe it was happening. Scott asked if I was nervous and I wasn’t really, mostly because I didn’t have any idea what it would be like. I was just hoping and praying everything would go smoothly and that my baby would arrive safely.

The anesthesiologist came in and talked to me about what he would do in the OR and how everything would work. Scott waited in the prep room while I was wheeled to the OR. It was really cold as we entered and I laid on the flat table, ready to be prepped. By then, everything started happening really quickly. I was given some sort of relaxer through my IV, and then the anesthesiologist started giving me the spinal. ‘A little pressure’ was an understatement and I hated it. Ugh, it felt like the epidural felt when I was in labor with Ella. Avoid it if you can!

From then on, things moved even quicker. My midwife, the surgeon, and nurses filled the room as my body began to numb. I was washed and pricked and moved around (insert catheter while I cry a little inside) as they rushed to get ready for the incision to be cut. If I didn’t have the anesthesiologist there to help comfort me, I might have panicked. I wasn’t sure if I was really numb, so I had the anesthesiologist do a ‘wet test’ with a wipe. But I was, I guess. Scott was finally able to come in and held my anxious hand.

They cut me open and again, ‘a little pressure’ meant a lot & they were pushing my body and pulling to get my baby out. I have no idea how long it took, it felt like forever and yet like no time at all. I hated feeling like this, having no control. The anesthesiologist told Scott and I what was happening. Scott had decided beforehand that he wasn’t going to watch, but as they were pulling her out, the anesthesiologist convinced him to look and I think Scott was glad he did. You’ll have to ask him what that was like; I was trying not to think about it.

I heard people say that she was out; she was here! I waited until I heard a cry. There it was! My baby was here and alive! I asked Scott if she had hair. He said yes, lots. I wished I could see her. He left to go be with her and luckily the anesthesiologist was there to help me get through the rest of the process. I started feeling panicked and that I couldn’t breathe easily. He gave me something to help and it did after a few minutes. While they were closing me up, they brought Vivienne over to lay on my chest and neck. They were hoping this would help her color. I felt her skin and chubbiness against me and soaked in her breaths. She was so sweet and I wished I could wrap my arms around her. After a couple minutes they took her to the nursery because she wasn’t ‘pinking’ up.

Once I was closed and the surgery complete, I was hefted back on my bed and wheeled to the recovery room. My mom and sisters were waiting there, I think. After this, things were a blur for awhile. Vivi was in the nursery for a couple hours while she was on oxygen and monitored.  The whole surgery felt very traumatic for me and I was exhausted. I tried to relax and was in and out of sleep. Apparently I said a few strange things as well as “was it a girl or boy?” (although to be fair, no one ever confirmed that Vivi was a girl at this point!).

Finally I got to see my sweet girl and hold her and love on her. She was so little and precious. Vivi was born at 7:59 am, was 20 inches long and 8 pounds 2 ounces (according to the OR scale, which all the nurses agreed was a little off and we really think she was around 7lbs 10 oz.).

They took her back to the nursery to be bathed and monitored again. Scott went with her and luckily documented it for me. Meanwhile I was wheeled to my post partum room and set up with my new nurse. At some point the surgeon and my midwife came in to tell me that all went well. The surgeon told me that I have a heart shaped uterus. This makes me very prone to breech babies. If they don’t turn before they are a certain size, there isn’t enough room to turn while inside my uterus. This helps explain why the version to turn her didn’t work and all the natural methods I tried as well. I hope I can somehow avoid another C-Section in the future!

When Vivi finally got to come to my room, I fed her for the first time and she actually latched on and although a bit painful, nursing was a success! We had some precious skin to skin time as well. Even though her birth was not natural or didn’t go according to my plans, it was still such a miracle. Holding her sweet, healthy body in my arms was so amazing and precious. It is so overwhelming to think that she grew inside of me and is just so perfect! God is truly a God of miracles and every single life is evidence of that.

We spent another four long, very painful days in the hospital as I recovered and Vivi did as well. Scott was a great daddy and hubby, taking care of us all day and night. I was so grateful when I was finally able to get up and walk around, although it hurt! It was hard to not be able to get up and take care of my baby girl. It was an emotional, trying week, but I loved every second that I got to spend with Vivi. We slept together and learned about nursing together and became a little family.

We love our sweet baby girl {and I am so happy to not be pregnant anymore…}! It is so amazing to have her here with us and sometimes I just can’t believe she is ours forever. We are so blessed to have her in our family.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day

~from our sweet little {5 day old} Vivienne

 

Vivi’s Aunt Tiffany made her this adorable tutu & Aunt Mandy bought her the onesie to match.

Pregnancy Update! 37 Weeks

This week has been very stressful for me! Last Tuesday we found out at our appointment with the midwife that Vivi was breech. I have been planning and preparing for a natural birth and hospitals these days will not deliver a breech baby if they know beforehand. So, I learned that if she doesn’t move, I will have to have a C-Section. This was hard for me to hear because of my birth plan for a natural birth and the fact that all my babies after Vivi would probably have to be delivered via C-section as well.

So, we scheduled an “External Cephalic Version” {‘version’ for short} at the hospital. That took place this morning and was not very fun. The doctor basically tries to move your baby by pushing on her head and butt and trying to guide her to move. {Yes it hurts pretty dang bad. My belly is sore and bruising.} After a few tries, the doctor let me know that Vivi was not going to move. Versions only work about 50% of the time.

I stayed for awhile after for them to monitor the baby and I to make sure Vivi wasn’t under any stress. Luckily, she did great and didn’t seem to be bothered at all {especially not to move!}, so no emergency C-Section for us today. Now we will be scheduling a C-section for 39 weeks. Only 2 weeks away!!! If she moves before then, we might not have to do it though. We’ll see!

 

How far along? 37 weeks {full-term}

Baby size: 18.75 inches & 5.75 lbs

Total weight gain/loss: +43 pounds

Maternity clothes? Only. Except at home this means my comfy leggings and the hubby’s oversized hoodies/undershirts. My pants are getting tight and uncomfortable, which means I’ve gained weight in more than just my belly. :( But hey, its expected and I’m almost done!

Stretch marks? My existing ones are almost entirely stretched out. 

Sleep: Sleep? What is sleep? Haha, but truly I don’t get much sleep lately. I wake up almost every hour on the hour; Either to pee or because I have a leg cramp or my hip hurts from laying on that side of my body so I’ve gotta switch.

Best moment this week: Having everything completely done in the nursery & hanging out with my siblings in Salt Lake, shopping.

Worst moment this week: Finding out Vivienne was ‘frank breech’ and stressing over trying to figure out how to get her to move.

Movement: She is an active, happy baby, even if she is breech!

Have you started to show yet: Yes ma’am! Although I don’t feel like I am as big as I was with Ella. But, its definitely as painful, if not more so than I remember.

Symptoms: Lots and lots of pressure in my pelvis area and it hurts to walk. By the end of the work day, I am ready to lay down the rest of the day.

Labor Signs: None!

Belly Button in or out? Out.

Wedding rings on or off?  On. No swelling in my hands and very little  in my ankles/feet ever. Woohoo!

Happy or Moody?: Sad. I think I am already experiencing {pre} post partum depression or something, or maybe it has just been the stress of this last week. But, I cry almost every night and if I don’t, it’s because I’m trying hard not to. I just want my baby girl to be here and am tired of worrying!

13 for Thursday

Today I decided to share 13 of Vivienne’s favorite things! Most of them were received at her baby shower. Sorry for the abundance of baby-ness lately, but that’s pretty much what I think about all the time these days as I wait for her arrival!

 

1. Her crocheted Minnie Mouse outfit! My good friend Tasha made this for Vivi! Inspired by this photo. I can’t wait to see her in it!  {Tasha’s site is here and she makes things by custom order!}

2. Another favorite is her new swimsuit with matching flip flops! Her aunt Mandy gave it to her and the polka dots are adorable. And it makes me super excited for summer!

3. Vivi’s brown boots are the cutest things ever and she’ll look super hip in them with little skinny jeans!

4. I’m sure Vivi will love her handmade doll given to her by her Aunt Tara. It is sitting in her crib, waiting to be cuddled!

5. Another favorite is her handmade blanket from my cousin Laura. Laura is an amazing quilt and blanket maker and I love the fabric she chose! It is super soft and bright.

6. I love this outfit that my mom gave Vivi. She is going to be one stylish little lady at church (and of course she will match her momma, who doesn’t stray from black and white very often).

7. This adorable elf hat was made by one of Scott’s coworkers that I haven’t even met. She is super sweet for thinking of Vivi and I think this hat will look incredibly cute on our little baby girl!

8. Vivi’s Aunt Sammy sent her this pretty little Sunday dress and I love it! I’m sure Vivi will be grateful for so many aunt’s that have great taste.

9. More handmade creations from Tasha! These little booties are adorable and perfect for keeping her feet warm. You can order some here. I might buy a couple other colors as well.

10. I brought this sweet fuzzy lamb back from New Zealand so that Vivi can remember when she got to visit the island {even if it was in the womb!}.

11. I’m sure this handmade blanket made by Vivi’s Great Grandma Veteto will be well used. It is thick and warm and super cozy (or sozy, as we say in our house).

12. Our little girl definitely got spoiled when she received her first blue box! My cousin Jessica (Auntie Jess to Vivi) bought her a beautiful Silver Spoon. It is meant to be used, but will also be a beautiful item to be passed down to her own baby someday.

13. And last but not least, this beautiful blanket was handmade by Vivi’s great great Aunt Janine. It is super soft and beautiful. I know it will be well used.

 

These are just a few of the wonderful gifts our friends and family lovingly gave us for our baby girl. I wish I could share everything with you, but you are probably bored already. And now you have an excuse to come see Vivi and her nursery once she is born! Thank you all!